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D&D 3E
YOU MIGHT BE A GAMER IF... 
10th-Oct-2003 10:59 am
Self Portrait
Crossposted into bham_gamers, dnd3e, dndfanz, & dungeon_masters

...loosing your dice bag would be a serious financial blow.
...you could paper you bathroom in character sheets.
...you could paper your bathroom in different versions of just ONE character.
...you have more entertaining "No-shit,-there-I-was-in-a-game" stories than you do anecdotes about your family.
...you talk about your characters as if they are real people.
...you alternate between referring to your characters in the first and the third person.
... and none of your friends gets confused.
...when someone says "The blue books," you don't automatically picture the kind that they give you during a college final exam.
...you worship idols of Gary Gygax in your basement.
...you've ever seen the old AD&D tv series.
...you're still reading this list.
...you hang out with people you actively dislike because they give good role-play.
...you've ever gotten into a screaming match over something that happened in a game... (You are so dead! I am not dead!)
...you've ever neglected to buy the new edition of your favourite game because you already have three.
...you have more than one photocopied bootleg of a gaming text.
...you have a PhD in manipulating point systems to the best effect, even though you failed high school geometry.
..you can consume your body weight in junk food in one gaming session.
...you consider Altoids, Salt-&-Vinegar chips, and blue Teeni Hugs a balanced diet. (or even an acceptable combination.)
...you have been known to drive to far away places where you paid enormous amounts of money for the privelege of sleeping on floors, eating crap, buying little pewter statues of Gandalf, and meeting dozens of psychopathic members of the alternate (or similar) sex who will follow you around for months, merely for the pleasure of playing with gamers you don't know.
...and then signed up en masse with all of your friends to play in games with game masters who you've known since high school.
...you own your own weight in gaming books.
...the owners of local hobby stores take your checks without ID because they know where you live.
...you can do AD&D money conversions in your head.
...you consider the 20th century a state of mind.
...you have a random NPC generator, written in BASIC, designed to run on the Trash-80 or the Commodore 64.
...you've ever designed your own character sheets.
...you have ever played a Dwarven character who did not have "axe" or "beard" ANYWHERE in his or her name.
...you've ever tried to explain gaming to a school counselor, parent, or other PW/OC (Person With/Out Clue).
...you've suceeded.
...you're STILL reading this list.
...you've mistaken a d12 or a double d10 for a d20 while playing AD&D and had a THAC0 low enough to hit the 8HD monster, anyway...
...you understood that.
...your AC is so low that even you can't hit yourself.
...an 87 point Balrog is no big thrill anymore.
...you bring your dicebag even to diceless roleplaying events.
...you have friends or acquaintances who regularly refer to you as "Og." (Or something similar.)
...you've ceased responding to your birth name.
...you spend more money on dice than on food.
...you sometimes forget what century this is.
...your first response to any frustrating situation is, "I bash it with my axe."
...you have more gaming books than the local hobby store.
...you've discovered that spare dice make good beanbag filler.
...you knew that that last question was a ringer: who has more dice than they can use?
...you've been gaming for more than half of your life.
...you still laugh when someone says "Hey, Dave, I think the barbarian in the corner wants another beer."
...the phrase "Collect Call of Cthulhu" brings back fond memories.
...you knew a female gamer once.
...you were a female gamer once.
...you tend to play characters as different from you in race, religion, sex, sexual orientation, and what have you as possible, just to confuse your friends.
...you've been known to have in-depth conversations about the relative merits of Champions, V&V, Marvel, and DC heroes... ignoring the fact that all superhero systems are intrinsically sucky.
...you like one of the above systems enough that you yelped when I called them all, "sucky."
...you actually bought TSR's "Dungeoneer's Survival Guide" when it first came out.
...you've ever tried to discover the strengths and weaknesses of a haemophiliac werewolf.
...someone is attempting to explain the floorplan of a building to you and you immediately start thinking in terms of 10X10 squares.
...or 6'x6' hexes.

...everything you see, hear, or taste translates into some form of stats for a game.
...you and your friends have spent a screening of "The Crow" assigning vampire clans to the various characters.
...you actually wear that little ankh that comes in the Vampire Live-Action box...in everyday life.
...you've ever gotten wierd looks from other customers at places like Denny's or IHOP because of the nature of your conversations.
...a friend of yours screws something up and you respond with, "looks like you failed your _________ roll."
...you've actually paid to have custom fangs made.
...you wear these fangs in everyday life (not to mention Renaissance festivals).
...you've ever argued against a combat rule based on your experience in the SCA/Military/Police, etc.
...you have a dozen things in mind for when you come across a magic lamp.

...The six-siders in your dice bag have been worn down to the point that they look like 20-siders.
...your car and/or home is falling apart, you're wearing the same clothes you wore in the 1980's, and you miss meals regularly, but you've got the money in the bank for the next year's worth of 's products.
...If your computer broke down, your biggest worry is how you'd print out your character sheets.
...your character has more close friends than you do.
...you could write a biography of your character easier than you could write your own autobiography.
...you think that such a biography WOULD BE an autobiography.
...you can't find your favorite shirt, but you know where all the dice that came with your first D&D set are.
...you remember when games gave you tips on "inking" dice with crayon.
...you can give no fewer than six different speeches on "what is roleplaying?", verbatim, from the introductions to different games.
...you've bought a game even though you didn't like the genre or the rules, so that you could fix the rules and convert them to a different genre.
...you've looked into how much it would cost to build a castle
...there is virtually no game that you can't name the genre, company, or country of origin for (Hunter Planet, anyone?).
...your most important criteria for a mate is that they're a gamer, too.
...you're a hetero male and you've considered changing orientation just to find a mate to meet that criterion (that's a word, right?).
...you've ever written a speech for your character to make just in case he should find himself in such a situation.
...you remember when all games referred to characters as "he".
...Your idea of a fun Friday night consists of getting the gang together and playing for eight or more hours.
...The only reason you want a lake cabin is so you and the gang can go up there and play non-stop all weekend without any distractions.
...You finally get to the point where you look at everything on the shelves and say "*I* can do a better job than these bozos!"
...You actually get a chance to do just that.
...and you succeed!
...Everything you see, hear, or taste translates into some form of stats for a game. ("Wow! That move was cool...that means he's got Swing Sword +20 and Look Cool In Armor +15.")
...You write a parody of the RPG industry, and it's also a game.
...and one of the companies you slam picks it up for its "Mature" imprint and distributes it gleefully. * You go into business as a consultant on the RPG industry.
...and you actually are *hired*! (Neener-neener!)
...You branch out from RPGs into the stuff that game was derived from so you make better sense of the bloody thing. (Gamers-turned-Otaku, Gamers-turned-occultists, Gamers-turned-goths, Gamers-turned-military personel, Gamers-turned-martial artists, etc.)
...and you *still* don't stop playing! (Loyal man! I like you!)
...You remember when there was none of this "no exclusively (fe)male viewpoint" bullshit.
...or when there was none of this "no cussing" crap either.

...You make up songs like "Livin in the Kaer" and "Fun Fun Fun (Till the Horror took her Free Will Away)"
...You've written character histories that are longer than most novels...
...For Paranoia Characters.
...You Watch war documentaries with GURPS Vehicles so you can tell how much damage the 4-inch Naval Gun using an APX shell does.
...You spend five hours converting Modern Aircraft, when you run a fantasy campaign.
...You can quote the exact chance of a 1st-level Mage defeating an Umber hulk from memory, though a Voydanoi takes a little work.
...You break your leg, but insist on using a 'Recovery Test' before calling the ambulance.
...You have a list of what all the potions taste like.
...Your resume descrivbes you as a '5th-Level Civil Engineer'
...Drac's Raving at you.
...You've figured out that the Average AD&D Great Wyrm Red Dragon has 7 cubic feet of treasure.
...You Demand Experience points after winning a fistfight.
...You have a nickname that makes no sense because one of your characters had it.
...You Buy Dragon Magazine "For the Articles."
...You Worship TSR.
...You Detest T$R.
...You've ever constructed yourself as a character.
...You've got more tables than all the restaurants in town.
...You know how to use dice as weapons.
...You use phrases like 'Save vs. Graduation or go insane for 1d4 days.'
...You know how many hit points every member of your family has.
...You know that you can fit 20 d4's together to make a large d20 because you've actually tried it.
...You are not cleared for this information.
...You're up until 5:30 in the morning posting to rec.games.frp.misc.
...If you know what the following names originally stood for: (easy) SPI, SJG (med.) FBI, FGU (hard) TSR, FASA You know the following acronyms (feel free to append, and credit the game) AD&D's THAC0 Hero's 1d6 AF NND AE w/14- act
...If you own a copy of "Metamorphosis Alpha."
Comments 
10th-Oct-2003 12:10 pm (UTC)
...you could paper you bathroom in character sheets.
Sure. But it's a very small bathroom.

...you talk about your characters as if they are real people.
Has happened. (Doesn't mean I mean it that way...)

...you alternate between referring to your characters in the first and the third person.
Doesn't everyone?

... and none of your friends gets confused.
See above.

...you're still reading this list.
Got me on that one.

...you have been known to drive to far away places where you paid enormous amounts of money for the privelege of sleeping on floors, eating crap, buying little pewter statues of Gandalf, and meeting dozens of psychopathic members of the alternate (or similar) sex who will follow you around for months, merely for the pleasure of playing with gamers you don't know.
If that's supposed to be "you have been known to go to cons", then yes.

...you own your own weight in gaming books.
Probably.

...the owners of local hobby stores take your checks without ID because they know where you live.
The local gaming shops don't take checks, but the comics store takes my card without checking my ID.

...you consider the 20th century a state of mind.
Why wouldn't it be? Everything else is.

...you've ever designed your own character sheets.
Yup.

...you've ever tried to explain gaming to a school counselor, parent, or other PW/OC (Person With/Out Clue).
Oh yeah.

...you've suceeded.
Maybe. It's hard to tell.

...you're STILL reading this list.
Got me again!

...you've mistaken a d12 or a double d10 for a d20 while playing AD&D and had a THAC0 low enough to hit the 8HD monster, anyway...
...you understood that.
I've never done it, but I understood it. Woe is me.

...your AC is so low that even you can't hit yourself.
Definitely not. I might have had such a character, but I doubt it.

...you bring your dicebag even to diceless roleplaying events.
You never know.

...you have more gaming books than the local hobby store.
More than a couple, that aren't specialized in RPG's.

...you've been gaming for more than half of your life.
I've been gaming as far as I can remember, if chess counts.

...you knew a female gamer once.
I play with about as many female as male gamers. Nyah nyah.

...you tend to play characters as different from you in race, religion, sex, sexual orientation, and what have you as possible, just to confuse your friends.
Not just to confuse my friends.

...you've been known to have in-depth conversations about the relative merits of Champions, V&V, Marvel, and DC heroes
Throw in Aberrant, SAS and GURPS Supers and we might get somewhere.

...ignoring the fact that all superhero systems are intrinsically sucky.
Says someone who obviously likes AD&D. Right.

...you like one of the above systems enough that you yelped when I called them all, "sucky."
Damn!

...you've ever gotten wierd looks from other customers at places like Denny's or IHOP because of the nature of your conversations.
Not that I've noticed, but probably.

...a friend of yours screws something up and you respond with, "looks like you failed your _________ roll."
Yes. I always fail my self-control roll.

...you remember when games gave you tips on "inking" dice with crayon.
Oh yeah. And they were all sharp and pointy, too. I particularly remember a nasty incident with someone stepping on a d8.

...you remember when all games referred to characters as "he".
I think so. It's not something I particularly care about.

...You finally get to the point where you look at everything on the shelves and say "*I* can do a better job than these bozos!"
Well, better than some of them, I'm sure.

...or when there was none of this "no cussing" crap either.
I'd say it's the other way around.

...You know how to use dice as weapons.
My Dice-Fu is mightier than yours.

...You use phrases like 'Save vs. Graduation or go insane for 1d4 days.'
Of course. Isn't that normal?
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