Crazitalk (crazitalk) wrote in dnd3e,

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Crossposted into bham_gamers, dnd3e, dndfanz, & dungeon_masters

...loosing your dice bag would be a serious financial blow. could paper you bathroom in character sheets. could paper your bathroom in different versions of just ONE character. have more entertaining "No-shit,-there-I-was-in-a-game" stories than you do anecdotes about your family. talk about your characters as if they are real people. alternate between referring to your characters in the first and the third person.
... and none of your friends gets confused.
...when someone says "The blue books," you don't automatically picture the kind that they give you during a college final exam. worship idols of Gary Gygax in your basement.'ve ever seen the old AD&D tv series.'re still reading this list. hang out with people you actively dislike because they give good role-play.'ve ever gotten into a screaming match over something that happened in a game... (You are so dead! I am not dead!)'ve ever neglected to buy the new edition of your favourite game because you already have three. have more than one photocopied bootleg of a gaming text. have a PhD in manipulating point systems to the best effect, even though you failed high school geometry. can consume your body weight in junk food in one gaming session. consider Altoids, Salt-&-Vinegar chips, and blue Teeni Hugs a balanced diet. (or even an acceptable combination.) have been known to drive to far away places where you paid enormous amounts of money for the privelege of sleeping on floors, eating crap, buying little pewter statues of Gandalf, and meeting dozens of psychopathic members of the alternate (or similar) sex who will follow you around for months, merely for the pleasure of playing with gamers you don't know.
...and then signed up en masse with all of your friends to play in games with game masters who you've known since high school. own your own weight in gaming books.
...the owners of local hobby stores take your checks without ID because they know where you live. can do AD&D money conversions in your head. consider the 20th century a state of mind. have a random NPC generator, written in BASIC, designed to run on the Trash-80 or the Commodore 64.'ve ever designed your own character sheets. have ever played a Dwarven character who did not have "axe" or "beard" ANYWHERE in his or her name.'ve ever tried to explain gaming to a school counselor, parent, or other PW/OC (Person With/Out Clue).'ve suceeded.'re STILL reading this list.'ve mistaken a d12 or a double d10 for a d20 while playing AD&D and had a THAC0 low enough to hit the 8HD monster, anyway... understood that.
...your AC is so low that even you can't hit yourself. 87 point Balrog is no big thrill anymore. bring your dicebag even to diceless roleplaying events. have friends or acquaintances who regularly refer to you as "Og." (Or something similar.)'ve ceased responding to your birth name. spend more money on dice than on food. sometimes forget what century this is.
...your first response to any frustrating situation is, "I bash it with my axe." have more gaming books than the local hobby store.'ve discovered that spare dice make good beanbag filler. knew that that last question was a ringer: who has more dice than they can use?'ve been gaming for more than half of your life. still laugh when someone says "Hey, Dave, I think the barbarian in the corner wants another beer."
...the phrase "Collect Call of Cthulhu" brings back fond memories. knew a female gamer once. were a female gamer once. tend to play characters as different from you in race, religion, sex, sexual orientation, and what have you as possible, just to confuse your friends.'ve been known to have in-depth conversations about the relative merits of Champions, V&V, Marvel, and DC heroes... ignoring the fact that all superhero systems are intrinsically sucky. like one of the above systems enough that you yelped when I called them all, "sucky." actually bought TSR's "Dungeoneer's Survival Guide" when it first came out.'ve ever tried to discover the strengths and weaknesses of a haemophiliac werewolf.
...someone is attempting to explain the floorplan of a building to you and you immediately start thinking in terms of 10X10 squares.
...or 6'x6' hexes.

...everything you see, hear, or taste translates into some form of stats for a game. and your friends have spent a screening of "The Crow" assigning vampire clans to the various characters. actually wear that little ankh that comes in the Vampire Live-Action everyday life.'ve ever gotten wierd looks from other customers at places like Denny's or IHOP because of the nature of your conversations.
...a friend of yours screws something up and you respond with, "looks like you failed your _________ roll."'ve actually paid to have custom fangs made. wear these fangs in everyday life (not to mention Renaissance festivals).'ve ever argued against a combat rule based on your experience in the SCA/Military/Police, etc. have a dozen things in mind for when you come across a magic lamp.

...The six-siders in your dice bag have been worn down to the point that they look like 20-siders.
...your car and/or home is falling apart, you're wearing the same clothes you wore in the 1980's, and you miss meals regularly, but you've got the money in the bank for the next year's worth of 's products.
...If your computer broke down, your biggest worry is how you'd print out your character sheets.
...your character has more close friends than you do. could write a biography of your character easier than you could write your own autobiography. think that such a biography WOULD BE an autobiography. can't find your favorite shirt, but you know where all the dice that came with your first D&D set are. remember when games gave you tips on "inking" dice with crayon. can give no fewer than six different speeches on "what is roleplaying?", verbatim, from the introductions to different games.'ve bought a game even though you didn't like the genre or the rules, so that you could fix the rules and convert them to a different genre.'ve looked into how much it would cost to build a castle
...there is virtually no game that you can't name the genre, company, or country of origin for (Hunter Planet, anyone?).
...your most important criteria for a mate is that they're a gamer, too.'re a hetero male and you've considered changing orientation just to find a mate to meet that criterion (that's a word, right?).'ve ever written a speech for your character to make just in case he should find himself in such a situation. remember when all games referred to characters as "he".
...Your idea of a fun Friday night consists of getting the gang together and playing for eight or more hours.
...The only reason you want a lake cabin is so you and the gang can go up there and play non-stop all weekend without any distractions.
...You finally get to the point where you look at everything on the shelves and say "*I* can do a better job than these bozos!"
...You actually get a chance to do just that.
...and you succeed!
...Everything you see, hear, or taste translates into some form of stats for a game. ("Wow! That move was cool...that means he's got Swing Sword +20 and Look Cool In Armor +15.")
...You write a parody of the RPG industry, and it's also a game.
...and one of the companies you slam picks it up for its "Mature" imprint and distributes it gleefully. * You go into business as a consultant on the RPG industry.
...and you actually are *hired*! (Neener-neener!)
...You branch out from RPGs into the stuff that game was derived from so you make better sense of the bloody thing. (Gamers-turned-Otaku, Gamers-turned-occultists, Gamers-turned-goths, Gamers-turned-military personel, Gamers-turned-martial artists, etc.)
...and you *still* don't stop playing! (Loyal man! I like you!)
...You remember when there was none of this "no exclusively (fe)male viewpoint" bullshit.
...or when there was none of this "no cussing" crap either.

...You make up songs like "Livin in the Kaer" and "Fun Fun Fun (Till the Horror took her Free Will Away)"
...You've written character histories that are longer than most novels...
...For Paranoia Characters.
...You Watch war documentaries with GURPS Vehicles so you can tell how much damage the 4-inch Naval Gun using an APX shell does.
...You spend five hours converting Modern Aircraft, when you run a fantasy campaign.
...You can quote the exact chance of a 1st-level Mage defeating an Umber hulk from memory, though a Voydanoi takes a little work.
...You break your leg, but insist on using a 'Recovery Test' before calling the ambulance.
...You have a list of what all the potions taste like.
...Your resume descrivbes you as a '5th-Level Civil Engineer'
...Drac's Raving at you.
...You've figured out that the Average AD&D Great Wyrm Red Dragon has 7 cubic feet of treasure.
...You Demand Experience points after winning a fistfight.
...You have a nickname that makes no sense because one of your characters had it.
...You Buy Dragon Magazine "For the Articles."
...You Worship TSR.
...You Detest T$R.
...You've ever constructed yourself as a character.
...You've got more tables than all the restaurants in town.
...You know how to use dice as weapons.
...You use phrases like 'Save vs. Graduation or go insane for 1d4 days.'
...You know how many hit points every member of your family has.
...You know that you can fit 20 d4's together to make a large d20 because you've actually tried it.
...You are not cleared for this information.
...You're up until 5:30 in the morning posting to
...If you know what the following names originally stood for: (easy) SPI, SJG (med.) FBI, FGU (hard) TSR, FASA You know the following acronyms (feel free to append, and credit the game) AD&D's THAC0 Hero's 1d6 AF NND AE w/14- act
...If you own a copy of "Metamorphosis Alpha."

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