I was thinking I might use a quote from Dead Alewives. Like everyone at once says "I'm attacking the darkness!" I don't think allusions cost any money :p

Good point about the gamers/game jokes though.

Player appeals to some obscure rule. No one can find it. He gives the rule number 137.256.399 and magically it appears first in his and then in all of theirs "Oooh! that rule."

DM makes bad call, Players balk. DM makes it a houserule. Snail breaths fire and kills 21 lvl paladin.

It would be kinda funny if you flashed back and forth between the group at the table and the group "in the field". If you did something like that, you could reshoot the same scene with differences.. For example

Take one: Barbarian draws his sword, stabs his enemy(under the arm of course), pulls it out to continue the stab to the next enemy. Flash to the tabletop
dm: Wait, you don't have cleave! If fact, you don't even have a sword!
Same scene, but barbarian swipes at enemy with empty hand held like he was holding a sword. Enemy laughs at him then stabs him scene
Player: Oh, right. Make it an axe
The barbarian Cuts his enemy down with an axe scene
dm: You don't have an axe either! You use a warhammer!
The barbarian Strikes down his enemy with warhammer scene

Continue ad nauseum....

Bad math?

Crap I missed. Did you remember the +1 from the bless spell? Yea I hit!

Order of the Stick did a great one with that.

"Don't forget the +1 from the bard." "Oh yeah, I guess I did kill him after all" Orc spontaneously dies

This is because ORder of the Stick has done most of the classic gamer jokes at some point. In fact, if the thread author hasn't read Order of the Stick, he should. It would be great to mine for ideas.

Here's one that we always got a big kick out of in our group (so much so that it still crops up).

Player A (mage): I cast lightning bolt. [note, the party is in a small room]
Player B (leaps to his feet with a huge look of panic on his face): "I cast NO!!"

You could also make a joke out of what happens when a player fails to show up for the session and the party is partway through the campaign. All kinds of opportunity for humor to ensue.

The, now famous, "It's a gazebo".
The equally famous "Head of Vecna".

Player's character is killed by poison; he rushes in as his new character and shouts "It's ok I'll suck out the poison", botches and swallows the poison, botches stamina roll, dies -one of the quickest character deaths for one of my group.

Some spoof of the "join the army" adverts. If you haven't seen the british ones I'm sure they must be available online.

I have to plead ignorance to "It's a gazebo". Can you elucidate?

That was a complete hoot.

I'd like to watch the movie you recommended but uh... all the "Upcoming Screenings" are slated for 2003, lol. You know where I can snag it? Blockbuster? Bit Torrent? Anywhere?



~Ray

Nevermind, I just noticed the sales link.



~Ray

I'm too lazy to read all the comments, so I suggest the gamer that never learns how to do an attack roll after years of playing.

hrmmmmm. I watch other communities, and here are some stories that are fairly funny and easy enoguh to translate:

1) DM: The Bard leads the group in an imperious march
Bard: Dun Dun Dun DUh Dundun (imperial march theme)
DM: I SAID IMPERIOUS MARCH ... morons
Group follows in the song




2) GM: You walk up to the door. It is a slotted door that you can easily see through. On the other side is a bear that is visibly choking on something

Player 1: Should I go in there? Can I help it? What should I do? *getting flustered ... in character*

Player 2: Why don't you ask it if it is all right

Player 1: (to the choking bear) Are you ok?

GM: The bear looks at you while it is choking. It says nothing. It seems to be showing you the universal sign for choking (both hands/paws to the neck).

Me: *Laughing uncontrollably* You know ... even if this WAS a bear that was able to speak common. Which it probably isn't. It was still choking on something ... and thus should be unable to speak.

GM: The bear seems to be making a small gesture towards your group. It seems to have its middle claw raised while the rest of its 'claws' are in a fist. It has now fallen over dead.




3)GM: There had been a storm the previous night, bringing with it a mysterious girl who did not speak the local language. This Guardian-type Ranger decided to use animal empathy to try and find out what direction she had come in.

Ranger: I'm looking for any kind of animal that might have been awake during the storm.
Me: You notice a skunk's burrow over by a tree.
Ranger: I'm going to coax it out.
Me: Ok, it waddles out of it's hole.

Skunk: What do you want?
Ranger:...Did...did you just talk?
Skunk...Yeah?
Ranger:...How are you able to speak common?
Me: It shrugs it's skunky shoulders.
Ranger:...Right. O...kay...so, Mr. Skunk, did you see a small girl come through the forest last night?
Skunk: Hmm, yes, I think I did. You mean, like, a smaller one of you, with longer hair?
Ranger: Yes! Where did she come from?
Skunk: Over that way, I think. I'm not really sure.
Ranger: Do you know where she came from? What was chasing her?
Skunk: Dude, I am a skunk. All I care about are like, berries and stuff. I don't really pay attention to random big-things running around.
Ranger: Well, ok. But if you see any like...monsters, you know, big-things, that want to eat you? If you see any of those, come find me.
Me: The skunk is eyeing you suspiciously. You seem kind of big...and hungry.
Skunk: Ye..eah. Okay. Sure thing. BYE!
Me: The skunk waddles back into it's burrow. You hear the sound of boxes being packed.
Ranger: WTF?
Me: I figured the skunk doesn't know anything...you know?